In the spirit of fun, I occasionally publish terms that people have used to find our community here (we see search words but not who typed them) and a cheeky reply to each.  We can`t see who typed what, we just find them humorous when taken out of context (many make sense to me when I think about them):

Search term: Why drink scotch
Our Response: (A) Because.  (B) To get drunk. (C) Because you like it (D) All of the above.

Search term: well preserved moroccan chickpea stew cheap tuesdays
Our Response: No cheeky reply here – this amazes me because this is practically the exact name of the post… from 2010.

Search term: Skid garden
Our Response: We tend to prefer ours if they are free-range.

Search term: hamburger buns recipe martha white flour
Our Response: I have NO recipes that call for anyone named martha as an ingredient here.

Search term: how best to transport something frozen in a car
Our Response: It’s the term ‘something’ that makes me a little edgy here…

Search term: calzone recipe with lots of caca
Our Response: We also don’t have recipes with caca….even if it’s organic.

Search term: how to cure the best ever bacon
Our Response: I am glad we won the title…  Guess we should sell the stuff.

Search term: brand new metal trashcan
Our Response: All of mine are in use.

Search term: pots on a fence
Our Response: Where else would they be?

Search term: make pickeled fiddel heads
Our Response: We have recipes for Fiddle Heads….but we don’t pickle cuban dictators…

Search term: how to make special noodle
Our Response: It’s similar to un-special noodle, but you smile while making it.

Search term: canning tomato sauce that came from a can
Our Response: This is officially known as a can-can..

Search term: surprise dinner for my mother
Our Response: Not if she knows you were looking here for it.

Search term: curing pink salt
Our Response: It’s already cured…you use it to cure other things silly..

For others in this series, check them out here and here and here.

Happy Saturday all, hope you have a great day!

It`s been a while since we`ve shared one of these posts (you can see the other two here and here).  Essentially we take a look at some of the funnier terms people have used to find our site (we can`t see WHO has used them, just that someone used a term) and we have a bit of fun by taking them out of context and responding here, tongue in cheek.

Let`s get started:

Search term: What will be the difference of the 100 mile diet?
Our Response: Suppose it depends what you are comparing it to… If you were comparing it to 1,000 mile diet, the difference would be very different from comparing it to a spaceship.

Search term: the answer to how did mummies perserved (sp) for so many years
Our Response: We don`t have children – I`ll have to ask my Dad…

Search term: cakes pretty 3 feet
Our Response: I tend to like my pretty cakes with 2 feet.

Search term: investing in tomatoes sauces jar 2
Our Response: I think the gold ones are the best investment right now but I`m no pro…

Search term: selective breeding of carrots
Our Response: I picture a really shady hotel room, a mad scientist and the secret evolution of the carrot species…

Search term: which foodstuff are preserved in our house details
Our Response:I`m not sure I`d want to go to a site that knew the details of what was preserved in my house… errrr…

Search term: thin people restaurants
Our Response: Wrong guy to ask.

Search term: feather for cake
Our Response: I thought it was bad when I found a hair on my plate…

Search term: remove bitterness magically
Our Response: I have my Harry Potter Book of Spells here somewhere…

Search term: cakes only for adults
Our Response: Generally I find carrot cake does this (especially if the carrots are selectively bred).  Kids hate veggies.

Search term: how crush tomato sauce
Our Response: Hulk says stomp.

Search term: old days cooking over campfire
Our Response:Since I cooked over campfire last summer and since that`s the `old days` I suppose that makes me…HEY!

Search term: want soup but all i have is boullion cubes
Our Response: This is going to be very difficult – generally you`ll need some form of liquid to make soup…

Search term: coolest vegetable
Our Response: I picture a potato in a leather jacket with it`s collar turned up…

Search term: what make people well preserved
Our Response: Vodka seems to do the job.

Happy Wednesday!

We ran an article a while ago that was a tongue and cheek review of some of the search terms people used to find our site and responded to each.  The intent of the article was not to make fun of the requests but to have fun by taking them literally.

My enjoyment is taking the terms out of context and thinking of them as Google would.  As an example, we shared that someone found us by searching `what to do with 20 lemons.`  As humans we know that any old article that has a LOT of lemons would help this person.  Poor Google can`t interpret 20 as meaning A LOT (it is a relatively small number after all) and I`m not sure how it dtermined we were the 20-lemon go-to source.

It`s time for round 2:

Search term: eat this now baked beans
Our Response: I`d like it better if you said please.  Please.

Search term: “canning liver and onions’
Our Response: Never thought of that…hmm…

Search term: transport frozen food 6 hours in car
Our Response: I hope noone has to pee.  If the trip takes and extra half hour…

Search term: how to make liver look goumet
Our Response: You can`t.

Search term: meatluck party joel
Our Response: Yes, I`m goingto a party named meatluck.  Yes, my name is Joel.  But I`m not the Joel you are looking for – our host shares my name.

Search term: who is affected by lack of “food awareness”
Our Response: Only the people who are aware – or the people they kick.

Search term: who served the first chip butty?
Our Response: Zeus.

Search term: “how to sadate crabs before cooking”
Our Response: I suppose you could freeze them for about 15 minutes however my favourite trick is to play some Barry White for them.

Search term: how to say thanks for food via email
Our Response: Copy and paste…

Search term: butcher equipment . tools to remove the bones from chicken
Our Response:knife

Search term: Has anyone dehyrated hot peppers
Our Response: If noone has I`m doing to be really worried about the chilli flakes I`ve eaten for years

Search term: Is it safe to eat deer eyeball
Our Response: Not for the deer.

Search term: ontario moose lottery
Our Response: Yes, you too can win your very own

Search term: which is better brandy or scoth
Our Response: I normally don`t call it SCOTH until I`ve had 4 or 5, so I`m going to say SCOTH.

The other funny thing is I actually can figure out shich articles would come up for most of the above – and many will actually help.

I`ve been struggling with the idea of his post and if it`s really relevant to our readership.  We try to be very focussed on food and drink and the consciousness around what we are consuming (both with our mouths and with our wallets).  I have simply laughed at this too much not to share (I should explain my experience with it is from BMO Field – the sporting venue where our mighty Toronto FC play soccer):

It is indeed a soccer net with moveable ball that is also a urinal mat.  The connection to drink should be fairly obvious to those who have consumed any number of larger than life stadium beer buckets.

The Weee also makes versions for American Football and Hockey.

And yes, I find myself trying to score – as do the majority of men in the bathroom.  It`s funny to hear the reaction of grown men giggle when they see these things for the first time.  It`s also amazing how such a simple distraction encourages much more hygienic bathrooms – the stadiums stalls are some of the cleanest I`ve seen.

The site also claims that they get people talking about your bathrooms and, in turn, bring people out and make the bathroom into an experience that will translate into return visits and people talking about them.  I guess this supports that.

If you`re involved in food and beverage industry and have a location that can get away with a bit of sports novelty, I think these would make a difference.  I`m just pleased I got through this entire post without any toilet humour (I`ll leave that to your imagination).

I was generally a dreamy cherub-like child who lived only to make others feel happy and nice.  At least that`s how I remember it…

There are things you did when you were younger that you look back on and wonder what you were thinking, others that pull a twinge of guilt from the years of wisdom and perspective gained and even more that you look back and still snicker at.  I think this is one that pulls all of those emotions at once for me – though the guilt and snickering trade spots as the predominant feeling.

Most of my cousins on my Father`s side of the family were WAY older (like at least 12 or 15 years older which is massive when you`re 10).  I looked up to them, wanted to be like them and loved when they teased me – and tried to tease back.  Teasing a 25-year old is somewhat challenging when you don`t understand half the jokes they tease you with.  And I did have a lot to be teased about (and still do).

It was our annual Christmas Party – a gathering of family who would come together for an annual meet and greet.  It often meant that I got to partake in a baseball tournament on my Commodore 64.  I actually won the rights to my Uncle`s pickup truck and my Cousin`s first born on one particularly cheery Christmas – though I wasn`t able to collect on either.

I had two responsibilities at the party (as I was the young gourmand I still profess to be).  One was to make sandwiches that I would cut with a K-Tel plastic sandwich cutter and make a sandwich tree with a pineapple and multicolored toothpicks.

The second was to serve beverages.  This largely consisted of running up the stairs to the fridge and back to the waiting guest who would pat me on the head, tease me or tip a nickel (it was, after all, the late 70`s or early 80`s).

I gave my Cousin-Uncle (he was a cousin`s Husband) a beer.  I liked him a lot, enjoyed his teasing and wanted to tease back.  I was a little horrified when he gulped half the bottle before figuring out that the contents were much more sour than beer.  Instead of 5% alcohol, it was 5% acid – pure white vinegar.

Vinegar is apparently fairly tasteless when ice-cold and you are parched.  When you consume almost a cup of it, it has a way of returning to plain sight very quickly.

I honestly feel bad about the whole thing – and can`t wipe the smirk off my face.

It`s almost 30 years later and I am still the bartender – in part so that I can monitor what is served to me.  I will never do that again and implore you not to – it was a horrible idea and I`m not sure it`s even safe.  Yet I don`t know why it still makes me smile…

We can see the terms people use on search engines to find us.  We don’t know who typed what but it helps us understand what people are looking for when they come to the site.  It also means that we may have had some content that helped them… or we had two different posts that the search engine counted as one and a bizarre combination brought someone here.

Here’s a few recent terms that have been used – and a very tongue-in-cheek reply with all respect intended to those searching for something on how to proceed :

Search Term: how to crush your own tomatoes
Our Response: Step 1: place tomatoes in pan.  Step 2: Crush.

Search Term: what to do with stewed rubarb
Our Response: Step 1: eat.

Search Term: ontario kill eat hunting
Our Response: One of these words is out of order – the hunting part usually happens before the eating.

Search Term: Bon Jovi Cake Designs
Our Response: Can’t say nuthin’.  Actually have a post on it.  Makes me giggle how often I read this as a search term though.

Search Term: pectin necessary?
Our Response: not as much as oxygen but at times it may be pretty crucial.

Search Term: Preserving crabs for cooking
Our Response: Is there another purpose for preserving them?

Search Term: well preserved restaurant
Our Response: some days I do dream…

Search Term: What to do with cream peas on toast.
Our Response: Step one: eat (which is true of most things on toast)

Search Term: can i finish dehydrating food tomorrow?
Our Response: you really should do the laundry tomorrow; but that’s up to you (in proper context it’s a great question; I would give it a go and expect it would work)

Search Term: How to drink scotch.
Our Response: Step 1: Open mouth.  Step 2: Pour. (Also a legitimate question that we have an answer to ).

Search Term: how to make greens less salty
Our Response: use less salt.

Search Term: what do i do with 20 lemons
Our Response: This type of thing shows a lot – I know I’m reaching here but I find it humourous to think that someone else would know what “YOU” would do with them.  I can tell you what I would do with them

Search Term: moose’s north bay
Our Response: We don’t have anything on this – but this term found our website 18 times in a single day.

If we can help shed light on any of the above, we’d be pleased to – suggestions of topics are always welcome and make writing a whole lot easier.

I acted in `Oliver Twist`as a child.  It was a school production – I was cast as an extra.  A kid playing a kid.  It was a lot of fun – I didn`t win an Oscar.

Being a hot summer Friday, I thought it was time to share something lighter.  4 different takes on one of the ultimate foodie songs of all time – that will now be stuck in my head for the entire weekend (some are amateur video; some are the `real`deal. My favourite has to be the last one.

Would love to know of any other favourite food songs out there..

Today`s post is delayed by Woofstock.  We`ll update on awesome BBQ success sometime later today.

Shaeffer thanks you for your patience. 

Todays post will be delayed until further notice

The cabin is also refuge to shot glasses from all around the world.  We have a traditional camp song which we chant on special occasions (toasts, birthdays, weddings, hunts or the fact that it’s Tuesday are all special occasions for us).

We have a very strict policy that hunting and drinking are never to be combined – once the guns are put away shot glasses (and liquids to pour inside them) appear from all corners of the globe.  We have drank elixirs from the middle east, potions from South America, tonics from Easter Europe and mysterious drinks from places yet to be named.  I’m not sure where it all comes from – but it all goes into these glasses and none are immune (though portions may be moderated for the faint of heart!)

As a bonus to today’s post is the following shot (it is not Southern nor is it in any way comforting):

The small contents remaining in that bottle are enough to twist the brim of 6 or 8 peoples hats.  It is a form of bathtub moonshine that we trade for in the middle of the forest with an other camp.  Trade of commodities such as this are somewhat commonplace – homemade moonshine, maple syrup and commercial sweets are not uncommon.  Our neighbours are our friends and we share tradition (and libation) with them commonly.